Lakeland Country Fair – Coniston Old man

A rare blue sky was cursed by many a runner in the Lakeland Country Fair fell race held at Torver, near Coniston. The race was held alongside Cumbrian wrestling, horn blowing(?), a hound show and a bird of prey display (fascinating until the falcon decided to b*gger off).

The ‘out and back race’ was described as 6.5 miles from the showground to the top of Coniston Old Man and back. About 90% of the runners were sporting local club vests, so I knew I was in for a comprehensive drubbing.

The race trotted along in sedate single file along footpaths and farm tracks until away from civilised view, the route turned ugly. Managing to cling on to a pack of local vests, I took small comfort in the fact that all of us had to hunker forward in a laboured ‘hands on knees’ grind up the first climb.

Of many.

‘It must be just beyond the next ridge’ was my silent mantra as sweat dripped, lungs burst and blisters brewed. After 30 minutes of vertical calf cruelty, the lead runner bounced over the nearest ridge towards us ascenders, giving false hope to all that the summit was at hand.

Several ridges later I was heaving up cola bottles as I tipped a nod at a marshal, fell onto the trig point at the top to ‘touch the summit’ then turned to go back down.

The view of lake Coniston was awesome.

But the lack of sensation or voluntary control of my legs rather diverted my attention. Having no choice but to trust luck and my faithful Walshes, I maintained a controlled fall down the 1:2 gradient slope littered with rocks and slate until I lost the runner in front. After making a scenic detour through the bracken, I spotted other runners below and managing to pick up the trail back to the show field.

Staggering over the finish in 1 hour and twenty, my legs gave way and I was unable to stand for at least 30 minutes (whilst I was fed cake). By then the falcon had returned and a fat, drunk bloke ‘who fancied a go’ had trounced all the serious competitors to win the Cumbrian wrestling. Quite an eventful day all round.

Yes, it was hard and yes, I still can’t walk down stairs 3 days later. And yes, it’s difficult to understand the appeal. But once the shock subsides, it’s then that you truly appreciate participating in such a unique Cumbrian event as the Lakeland Country Fair.