Having to get up at 5:30 on a Saturday morning made me wonder if travelling to Sheffield for a race was such a good idea, but a shower and a cuppa revived me, and Wendy and I were soon loading the car with changes of clothes, towels, bin bags and several litres of water.  This might seem a bit excessive compared to just making sure you’ve remembered some safety pins, but all will be explained!

With Gill Wallis arriving bang on time, we set the sat nav with an alleged postcode that would take us to the remote field that was our destination.  Picking Diane Adkins up on route to the A1, we were soon discussing the usual topics on a runners mind before the race; mainly “will there be toilets”!

Amazingly, we found our field without mishap, and a regiment of air cadets were on hand to sort the parking out.  It became clear that this was a major event as there were already around 100 cars, and we were early.  Heading down to the registration area to pick up our race chips, we were able to enter a draw for a new SAAB, and browse the sponsors’ stalls from Up and Running and Goretex.

As we awaited the start, we chatted to other runners – with this being the inaugural race on this course, many were unsure of what to expect.  The race announcer clarified things a bit by warning people that conditions were extreme, that trail shoes were recommended , and that laces should be tied securely as it had been known for runners to finish similar races barefoot!  At this point my late decision to purchase some trail shoes (the night before) seemed like quite a good idea.

The start, when it came was somewhat sluggish as the 350 runners got moving, only to stop after 400 metres as we funnelled onto a narrow track – nobody seemed bothered though, as the objective for many was just to complete the race and have some fun.

For the first couple of miles, the trails seemed relatively straightforward, which lulled many into a false sense of security as we crested the brow of a hill to look down a steep rocky slope that signalled the time to disengage the brain and just go for it.  Nearing Usain Bolt pace, I heard someone comment that it wasn’t running – it was falling with style, and I had to agree.

Now was the time for the mud.  Sometimes it was possible to skirt the muddy pits, sometimes it was worth a try before falling in anyway, and sometimes it was just a case of ploughing through regardless.  Occasionally you could hear various expletives, followed by barely suppressed laughter, as footing was lost and a hapless athlete sprawled face first into a bog.

With our shoes a couple of pounds heavier, we emerged from our valley to head up steep hills, one of which had a torrent of water coming down, bringing some bright orange mud with it that forced people onto their hands and knees on occasion.  With our strength sapped, we reached an ascent that resembled something out of a Vietnam war film – checking our timings later, we were down to a 20 minute mile at this stage!

Reaching the top, we had the luxury of a dry trail to follow for half a mile or so until we could hear loud music coming through the woods.  This, we knew, signalled the start of the “Turbo Zone”, a route of around 1 ½ miles of extreme terrain that was timed separately.  Running through dry ice with “Welcome to the Jungle” echoing through the fog was an amazing experience as we headed to long trenches of what appeared to be knee deep porridge!  Running was impossible as the quickest pace was achieved by leaning forward and trying to get your feet to follow the momentum of your body, whilst ensuring you didn’t lose your shoes!  Again, many people fell into the gloop, emerging like a badly modelled Morph, before struggling on again.

Leaving the trenches, the energy levels were nearly down to zero, as our tired legs were now caked in mud, and it was like running with breeze blocks on our feet.  Help was soon at hand though, as we had a thigh deep river to wade through which washed most of the mud off before the last couple of miles to the finish line.  There were a few surprises left in store, including a steep muddy slope where you had to help the person in front of you get up as well as yourself, or they’d flatten you when they lost their footing.

The final run to the finish was uphill through grass, and seemed to go on forever, but Wendy and I got over the line together in 2:14:59.  I don’t think I’ve ever been as drained in my life, and I struggled to lift my foot onto a stool so that my timing chip could be cut off.

The commentator asked for a few words, and whilst Wendy said she loved the mud, I told him that it was the single most ridiculous thing I had ever done in my life – and I loved it!!

Meeting up with Diane (2:34:29) and Gill (2:51:07), we compared goody bags – an excellent technical tee shirt, a drinks bottle, sports fuel and gel as well as numerous other bits and bobs.  Now was the reason for the water and bin bags as we sluiced ourselves down as much as possible before dumping our shoes and clothes into the bin bags to be hosed down when we got home.

This was a fantastic day out and, even though I’m still aching writing this the following morning, I’m also looking forward to running it again.